Posts Tagged ‘Life Balance’

People always seem to have expectations of us, especially as we get older. In a typical progression of American middle-class life, people go from being carefree teens and college students of whom not much is expected (and in fact mistakes are often expected to occur at this stage of life) to being adults in the “real world” in a matter of just a few years.

As productive grownups, we are expected to get a “good steady job” with benefits and a stable income, get married, buy a house, and have children-all at the socially-determined “appropriate” times. This is all well and good for people who happen to enjoy living life in this particular manner-but what happens to those of us who choose to take a non-traditional path?

Particularly as young professionals, we tend to delay marriage and children for longer than other people do. Some of us also elect to stay in school (or return to school) well into mid-life and to take greater financial risks by opening businesses, which can sometimes delay the establishment of that nice, stable life.

In my experience, the world really seems to frown on people who do things differently-so if “non-traditional” best describes your life path, I’m sure you’ve already experienced the judgmental comments and condemnations of others. These comments can be hurtful and cause us to question if we are really doing the right thing by thinking outside of the box and living differently than the majority of the population. It is always good to question and analyze ourselves-perhaps after such an analysis we may realize that in fact our way of life is not satisfactory, and that changes need to be made. However, it is important to remember that the only one who can judge the quality and relevance of your life is you.

Most of the time people who make such comments either do not understand the different path that you are taking, or are envious that you had the guts to go after your dreams and live life by your own rules (and are damn happy doing it!).

So, there are a few options in these situations. If you are inclined to do so you can try to explain to the judgmental person or people in your life your motivations and rationale for making the life choices that you do, and that in fact you are very happy living this way. Maybe they will understand, and you will develop an even deeper bond or friendship with them because you have shared a significant part of yourself. However, there is a possibility that such individuals will still find your choices difficult to understand and accept. If it continues to bother a particular person that you are marching to your own drummer in life, there is a good chance that they fall into the envious category previously mentioned. In this case, you may want to consider whether it is worth having someone in your life who judges you so harshly for who you are.

Of course, a problem with this is that many times the people who seem to judge us the most are our loved ones-parents, grandparents, relatives, and the like (generally people with a more traditional, “old school” type of mindset). These are individuals who we dearly love, and whom we know love and want the best for us as well. In the majority of cases we do not want to cut these people out of our lives, at least not completely. In these situations the best course of action may be to accept that this person does not have the ability to understand your life choices, and that their judgments likely (though not always) ultimately come from a place of love.

Being able to separate realistically while maintaining the positive aspects of the relationship in this manner can be a challenging and often lifelong task. But the more that you try, the easier it usually becomes. And when you are living your life in a way that makes you happy, all relationships often become more fulfilling and enjoyable as a pleasant after effect-so keep on doing what you do!

**** These tips do not constitute medical or psychological advice or counseling, please contact a licensed medical provider or therapist if you feel you need help.

In our culture there are many drinks: the relaxing-after-work beer, the celebratory glass of champagne, the with-dinner glass of wine, and the social-lubricant cocktail. However, in most office environments booze and work don’t mix, so what do you do when there is drinking at a mixer, happy hour, or office party when the line between a work event and social event is unclear?

The advice on this issue ranges from some saying it’s safe to consume one or two glasses of alcohol at an office party and others warn to not be caught with a drink in hand or even getting a photo taken NEXT to someone with a drink in hand as it may end up on Facebook. Yet in a culture that is consumed with alcohol consumption, is this manageable? Should you dive out of photos before the camera click due to another’s Corona Light?

Of course, as young professionals we must consider the stereotype of college kids binge drinking, and differentiate ourselves from that if we are to be seriously considered colleagues and not “the same age as the children of your boss.” However, in avoiding all alcohol, does this make one appear up-tight or unfriendly? It appears to be a thin line to walk for young professionals… no pun intended.

My suggestion: rather than kicking back three or more cocktails, simply sip the same drink for the entire night. In this way, things won’t get out of hand, yet you’ll be holding a drink and therefore feel less awkward. Of course you could also order a soda tonic with lime with little notice. One thing you DON’T want to do, is to protest the ordering of more drinks as it will draw unnecessary attention to yourself.  Instead, sip slowly.

Besides, since when isn’t the glass of scotch and cigar the businessman’s BFF (at least for rich, white males)?  And I have it on good authority that there are still liquor drink carts in advertisement agencies linked back to the days of Mad Men.

Maybe the debauchery that oftentimes follows drinking isn’t as easily forgotten in a world where we’re continually tracked by Facebook, whether it’s from your own postings or a friend or even a friend of a friend’s postings that you’re tagged in. Where office party blow-ups were once simply posted on the bulletin board, now they are posted online. 

In a world in which we are closely tracked, it’s important to keep things in perspective. So if you have your eye on that next promotion, maybe stick to just one drink. Trust me, if your coworkers are drunk they won’t be able to tell that you’re sober.

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear about our peers changing careers, pursuing graduate studies, or even taking a sabbatical to work in Africa. This is the point in our lives when many of us begin to think about the path we’re on, and wonder if we are on the right track. If we feel lost or unfulfilled, there’s a very real chance that we can end up in tailspin. And, that tailspin, ladies and gentlemen, is what’s known as the “quarter-life crisis.”

First used in 1997 by Abby Wilner, co-author of Quarterlife Crisis, this phase of life is often marked by uncertainty and questions about one’s future and managing adulthood. The difference between normal reflection and “crisis” is that the latter tends to consume your thoughts and affect all aspects of your lives. Work plays a major role in who we are and how we live, so it should be of no surprise that our questions and anxiety tend to start in that arena.

If you’re feeling like this could be you, then you need to start planning. Some experts believe that the quarter-life crisis is nothing more than a life check. You’re simply making sure that you are taking the right steps to your ideal self. Here are four steps to help you deal with your quarter-life crisis.

1. Hone in on your talents. This is a key step at any point in your life but especially holds true right now. Those who find true success have learned how to maximize their strengths and turn them into something worthwhile. If you’re having trouble getting started, then I recommend the book, “Now, Discover Your Strengths.”

2. Create a plan. After working for a few years, this is a normal point for you to evaluate your career choice. While the questions will drive you nuts, not answering them can make you insane. Ask yourself what you would like to do. Then, start thinking of ways to achieve the next step and create an honest and doable plan to make that happen.

3. Spread your wings. Research your options. Take a class at a community college. There’s nothing worse than knowing your potential and doing nothing about it. Now is not the time to be timid with pursuing your goals and dreams.

4. Talk to someone. Whether it’s a mentor or a friend, you should share your thoughts with others. For starters, you’d be surprised how many other people may feel the same as you. Now, this isn’t about throwing a pity party and seeing who has the worst life. This step is about building a network of people who can support you and offer guidance. Websites like QuarterlifeCrisis.com are a great place to start!

While there is something catchy about calling this period of time a “crisis,” it only tends to fuel the panicked fires in your brain. Consider this a call to evaluate your life. Either you’ll learn that you’re on track or you’ll realize that your skills are best utilized elsewhere. No matter what, it’s better to know these things now versus waiting until you’re older! Right?

Getting a tattoo may result in your mother crying while your father tells you you’re now unemployable, but is this true? Well…your mother will probably cry, but you’re not necessarily unemployable.

Body art isn’t reserved anymore for sailors or bartenders alone, but has now become common for all walks of life, from doctors and engineers to artists, entrepreneurs, and teachers.

CBS News reports that new research finds 23 percent of college students have one to three tattoos, and 36 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds have tattoos. This makes up more than one third of the young and incoming work force, and it’s hard to imagine that our capitalist market would throw out this large percentage of incoming talent.

However, more conservative work environments do exist, which ask employees to cover their tattoos so as to not hurt relationships with clients. CNN reports that eight percent of tattooed employees report problems at work associated with their body art.

Increasingly though, more entrepreneurial companies such as Google welcome those who express themselves through body art; oftentimes it is even seen as a sign of a free-thinking individual.

So if you have tattoos and are starting a new job, what do you do?

Having two visible tattoos myself, I consistently hide them at work until I get an idea of the culture and have time to research the company’s policies towards tattoos. However, even after I know a company is somewhat ambivalent towards tattoos, I’m usually hesitant to show them for fear of it holding me back at work—thus the daily cardigans.

If you’re a person, though, who does not feel comfortable hiding your tattoos, you can always ask during the interview process about the policies pertaining to the visibility of tattoos.

Whether or not it’s “right” to judge a person by their body art, it’s a reality of our culture, so it’s important to be aware of not only how much your mom will cry once she sees your tattoo, but also how it will affect your professional life.

Allison MacMunn is a tattooed, nonprofit professional living in Chicago, Illinois.

Burnout is a term that is commonly used to describe the plight of many employees in which extreme stress related to demanding work environments causes emotional and physical fatigue, stress, and other negative effects. Individuals from diverse industries, including health care, business, real estate, social services, and many others, can suffer from burnout.

I am not sure exactly when or how this term came into popular usage, but the incidence of individuals suffering from burnout certainly does not show signs of letting up any time soon. A significant aspect of the emotions that are described by the term burnout really boils down to one easily relatable emotion: the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Pressure from many different sources, including work, family, peers, and the self, can easily pull us in several different directions at the same time. It is not uncommon to actually feel as if there is no room for yourself in your own life. In trying to be everything to everyone, we often put ourselves and our happiness at the very bottom of our own priority lists. It seems that many of us are all too willing to take on task after task, accepting responsibility for all kinds of things when we know that doing so will significantly cut into our personal time. When this pattern becomes habitual in your life, things that you would like to do to nurture and relax yourself (i.e., spending time with friends, taking the time to engage in a beloved pastime regularly, etc.) can begin to feel like a luxury-one that you cannot afford. This is a dangerous mindset, and can lead to a buildup of anger that will create health problems and difficulties in relationships.

Feelings don’t just go away if they are suppressed—they have to come out somehow, at some point, and when they emerge from a buried place there are usually negative consequences. If no one has ever told you this before (and in our chaotic and pressure-filled society it is likely that no one has), let me be the first one to say—time for yourself IS NOT A LUXURY! It is a necessity for good emotional and physical health, and a happy and balanced life. A nice way to think about this concept is the common airplane safety phrase that we are all familiar with-ensure that you can breathe before attempting to help the person next to you. Enough said.

But let’s be realistic—our self-imposed, perpetual state of being overwhelmed is not solely an altruistic endeavor. There can be a lot in it for ourselves also. We may arrange our lives in such chaotic ways in part to satisfy a desire to be successful and “upwardly mobile,” and to accumulate the material trappings of a successful career. Certainly there is nothing wrong with having things such as a luxury car, a beautiful home, and other material possessions to enjoy. However if we view the pursuit of these things as our measure of success and happiness we run the risk of, as the saying goes, focusing on the destination and not enjoying the journey. Such an attitude can make us forget about the simple joys that life has to offer. If we believe that we cannot be happy unless a certain goal is met or a certain object or level of wealth or status is obtained, the reality is that we will likely never be happy since new desires and desired objects are constantly being generated in our minds.

Looking at this subject even more deeply, we can also say that being in a continual state of overwhelment protects us from being alone with ourselves—a task that is a lot more challenging than it may seem. Being alone and remaining still, leaving behind our worries, stresses, and obligations for even a brief period of time, would leave us to think about things such as our self-doubts, fears, and insecurities. Thus, remaining extremely busy may serve the additional purpose of allowing us to avoid focusing on our innermost anxieties and doubts. Of course there are many reasons that each individual person may maintain an overwhelmed lifestyle, with contributing factors that may be within or outside of their control. And each person must make the decision of how far they want to analyze the reasons underlying this-opening up the Pandora’s Box of in-depth self-exploration is not always the best idea depending on life circumstances and individual ability and desire to deal with such complex emotions. But considering the fact that our busy and often chaotic lifestyles may serve to protect us from issues that we are not ready to deal with can open up the mind to the fact that we may have more control over feeling overwhelmed than we thought, along with the possibility of having more choice and freedom to live lives that are truly fulfilling.

**** These tips do not constitute medical or psychological advice or counseling; please contact a licensed medical provider or therapist if you feel you need help.

Sorry to begin the title of this post with a sort of “non-word”. However, with all the talk about the troubled economic state of our nation I have been hearing the term “recession-proofing” in relation to many things: recession-proofing your relationship, your business, your budget, your IRA/401K, and the list goes on and on. I am sure that there are several more articles and pieces of advice out there about recession-proofing your happiness, so here is my take on the matter.

I thought that this would be a very important topic to address due to the sheer magnitude of the effect that this recession has had on people in every sector of our society. As a therapist, I have seen the emotional toll that this challenging time has taken on my patients from all walks of life. It seems that individuals from all socioeconomic levels have been affected in some way, be it in loss of savings or employment, increased stress in marriages and relationships, loss of role identification in relation to being the “breadwinner”, and multiple other ways. So, no matter who you are or where you are in your life or your career, it is likely that this recession has affected you in some way too. In my opinion, a major contributor to this atmosphere of (seeming) hopelessness and limitation has been the extremely negative focus that seems to be present in most of the media coverage related to this topic. Of course, I am not advocating that we all “put our heads in the sand” and pretend that this situation is not serious and challenging, because it is. But I think that there must be a way to achieve a balance between realistically appraising the situation so that we can all take steps to ensure the protection of our families and futures, and identifying how this difficult time may facilitate our personal growth and looking towards a more optimistic and hopeful future. Because the problem is that when all you hear from the media is negative feedback about how horrible the world is, and how it will continue to get even more horrible before it gets any better, it is very difficult to hold on to a positive attitude. And, having an optimistic outlook not only improves the quality of our lives (i.e., increasing life satisfaction and happiness, contributing to better health and more effective management of stress), but the absence of optimism can make it more difficult to navigate some of the disastrous effects of this recession. In my experience, having a negative or hopeless attitude makes it more difficult to obtain employment, communicate effectively in relationships, be supportive of others, and make choices in life that will result in positive outcomes. Also, I have observed that being hopeless about life increases stress and causes other physical health problems, which can exacerbate financial or other issues that are already existent.

In light of all of this, I have come up with a few simple suggestions that may assist you in maintaining a positive attitude despite the hopeless atmosphere that is present all around us at this time.****

1. Surround yourself with positive people as much as possible. Attitudes are usually “contagious”, so if you are spending most of your time with individuals who have a persistently negative attitude it will be much more difficult for you to maintain a hopeful outlook.

 

 

2. Don’t be afraid to change the subject when you are having a conversation with someone who is bringing you down. Of course we all need to vent from time to time, especially during these troubled times, and being a “shoulder to cry on” for loved ones is usually appreciated and reciprocated. But if you find yourself having discussions with a particular person that always seem to deteriorate into negativity, exercise your freedom to change the topic to something that is more conducive to your own well-being. Each person has the right to choose what information they would like to take in, and to limit conversational topics that make them feel bad or uncomfortable.

 

 

3. Meditation, exercise, and yoga have helped many people to relieve stress and achieve a more balanced and calm state of mind. However, since each person is different choose an activity that is helpful to you in reducing stress and increasing peace; the most important thing is that you take some time, no matter how little, to do something exclusively for and about yourself. It may not seem easy to take time out of your extremely busy day for the luxury of self-focused time. Try to do this as much as possible, and of course do not beat yourself up for not doing it as much as you think you should because this defeats the whole purpose!

 

 

4. Acknowledge the real difficulties that this time in history has caused you. Pretending that our problems do not exist usually makes it even more difficult to stop thinking about them, and makes it impossible to gather our internal resources to effectively find solutions. You can think about your problems as things that you would like to see change in your life, and focus on how you can use your personal strengths to accomplish this. It is also important to remember that there are many things in our lives that are not under our control, and sometimes all we can do is “weather the storm” until the next inspiration or solution comes along. But focusing on how our personal talents and assets can assist us in taking an active role in shaping our lives, and appreciating the aspects of our lives that we are happy with and grateful for, can provide an increased sense of control and self-efficacy.

**** These tips do not constitute medical or psychological advice or counseling, please contact a licensed medical provider or therapist if you feel you need help.

There is a lot of doom and gloom out there. With all the grim headlines, it’s pretty easy to feel down and out about your job search. If you were laid off, downsized, or euphemized, then it’s hard to stay positive and vigilant about taking a bright, successful next step.

The good news is that there are some recession-proof industries such as education, healthcare, energy, international business, and the environmental sector that are still hiring. There are also a few great tips for any job seeker in any industry to help with a difficult job search:

1. Network, network, network.

You’ve heard it before – networking is the key to getting a job. Recruiting directors want a safe, easy hire. If they met you at a networking event or if your name was passed along to them by a friend or colleague, then you likely will stand out from the sea of candidates and resumes.

For some reason, many people dread this horrible word, “Networking”. Really, networking is just having conversations with your friends, family, colleagues, and peers.  Talk to everyone you know – your friends, your parent’s friends, your friends’ parents, your old college professors, your alumni association, etc.  Reach out, and let them know what you’re seeking. You may be surprised with all of the connections your Uncle Phil has.

2. Join a professional organization.

Even though you are out of a job, you want to stay in the game. By joining a professional organization, you can stay up-to-date with industry news and developments. Of course, you also will meet leaders in your field. You can learn from them and make professional connections at numerous companies.

3. Volunteer your time.

Now that you have a little extra time on your hands, it’s the perfect opportunity to volunteer in your community. Serve on a board, organize a recycling program for your condo, or design marketing pieces for a charity. Helping others gets you off of the couch and thinking positively. You may even expand your skill set and meet someone who can help you get a job.

4. Think differently.

If you’ve been out of work for awhile, it may be time to broaden your view on what your next step could be. Instead of one of the top, five advertising agencies, would you like to work at a regional agency or in the advertising department in-house? Maybe you can relocate or make a career change. You may even take a 10% pay cut, but you can bargain for an extra week of vacation. Think creatively on how you can make a successful next step.

5. Be Persistent.

It’s not going to be easy. Unfortunately, the game has changed a little bit, and companies can afford to be more selective. You’re going to have to network a lot, apply for numerous positions, and receive a few rejections. Hang in there. Follow up with recruiting directors if they don’t get back to you. If you didn’t meet anyone at the last networking event, go to another one. Who knows when you will be in the right place talking to the right person at the right time.

Today’s economic environment has proven that almost every industry and profession provides little job security. Whether we work for a Fortune 500 corporation or start-up business, we are all “self-employed”. Corporate downsizing, outsourcing and consolidation are ever increasing the volatility in our employment and the frequency of our job changes. Networking, both social and professional, is one of the most important skills you need to survive these uncertain times.

Modern technology has created a variety of ways for us to build our social and professional networks. All you need is a laptop and wifi to make new “friends” or “connections” every day via Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and the many other networking websites available to us. According to the Wall Street Journal, leading networking websites attract approximately 110 million unique visitors each month. While these virtual connections are helpful, they have become commoditized due to their saturation on the internet.

Building your social and professional capital is as important today as it has ever been. You should consider your network to be as valuable as your education, industry certifications and professional skill set when it comes to career advancement / placement. While virtual networks are good, tangible networks are better. As the popularity of social media continues to grow, I believe that it will only revive the need for face-to-face networking as a means to differentiate oneself from the rest. While it’s easy to ‘Accept a Friend’, it’s certainly worth the effort it takes to meet people in-person. Join networking groups, professional associations and social clubs; even something as simple as volunteering can introduce you to new and interesting people.

A few quick tips to help you develop your network:

• Expand your horizons. Meet people from different companies / industries. You never know when you might consider switching career paths or might meet a potential customer / client.

• Never eat alone. It’s a bit cliché, but lunch and afternoon coffee breaks are great opportunities to arrange quick meetings with new contacts. Take full advantage of this downtime.

• Scratch their back. Always look for opportunities to help the people that you need help from. If you can make a connection for them, they are more likely to return the favor.
• Ask questions. It’s not an interrogation, but make sure to ask new people you meet about their background (ex. Where else have you worked?) and current involvement in the community (ex. What groups are you a member of?). You never know how a person’s past might help you in the present.

Leading up to this President’s Day, I caught myself feeling surrounded by the image of Barack Obama.

First, passing by a parking garage on my usual walk to work, I noticed the attendant’s computer flanked by two identical photos of a waving Obama. “Whatever gets you through the day,” I thought dismissively.

Later, I saw a similar photo pasted above the desk of a colleague whose life experience is probably the polar opposite of those garage attendants’—Ivy League educated, terminally degreed, widely traveled—hardly the type I’d suspect of hero worship. What, I wondered, does she think when she sees Obama’s picture out of the corner of her eye, just beyond her color-coordinated to-do lists?

I’m not the only one who’s got pictures of Obama dancing in their heads.

This week we heard the news that Shepherd Fairey, the artist behind the Warhol-esque Obama “hope” posters, was suing the Associated Press over the photo he had used to create the blue and red image.

And in this week’s Time Out Chicago, “sexpert” Debby Herbenick predicted that despite the economic hardships sure to plague us in 2009, “some may even have more sex now that our President and First Lady are, let’s face it, hot and probably a part of some Americans’ sexual fantasies.”

My qualifications in the realm of presidential history are practically nil, so I can do little more than wonder when in our history have we been this captivated by the image of America’s president.

All I can say is I don’t remember people hanging up pictures of George H. W. Bush, Clinton, or “W,” except for people I knew who had invested deeply in their campaigns. Furthermore, I’ve never been one to have heroes, or to put my loyalties up on the wall. Even when I was working in churches and studying to be a minister, you wouldn’t have found me with a cross hung up, and I only liked Ben Harper’s song “Picture of Jesus” because it sounded like something from Paul Simon’s Graceland.

When Bill Maher appeared on Larry King Live last week, he seemed floored by Obama’s speech about fellow former Illinois Senator-turned-President Abraham Lincoln.

“He can put a sentence together,” Mahler said of Obama. “He’s eloquent and he’s—he’s unflappable. I mean, he’s so cool and calm. Is he on Xanax? I mean … sometimes I wonder about this guy. I wish my broker was that calm.”

And that, I believe—that palpable having-it-handled-ness Mahler identified—explains the fascination with Obama’s image. Far beyond sex appeal, we want our president to always tell us it will all be OK, and if he can do it without words, so much the better.

Whoever you are—skinny brainiac, kid with and absent father, person with big ears, law student during finals week, community organizer for whom the last presidential race was a short campaign compared to the ones you’re involved in—you can find some reason to hope in Barack Obama’s story.

Psychologists call it positive projection, that thing we do with famous faces, letting them carry and represent everything about ourselves that we don’t yet see or own in ourselves—the part of ourselves that is (or wants to be) sexy, magnificent, infinitely capable, and so on.

Putting all this on President Obama seems to me to be exactly what he warned us against when he said, “I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington…I’m asking you to believe in yours.”

Harper’s song is honest about this tendency we have to project our hope onto others. It begins by describing the splintered-wood-framed and wallet pictures of Jesus he has, then references Martin Luther King, Jr. and asks whether we would recognize a modern-day picture of Jesus if we saw it. It concludes, “I want to be a picture of Jesus.”

Our pin-ups should do more than make us feel good; they need to make us be someone we wouldn’t otherwise have dared to be.

Right now, the pictures on my desk are people I know personally and love dearly—my nuclear family and my Valentine. But this week I’m going to be thinking if I were to put up a photo of anyone else to inspire my days, who would it be? It’s not a question of whose picture I want to have but of whose picture I want to be. 

Last week a friend of mine text messaged me during the day to ask if I’d be joining her that night at Karaoke at Four Farthings, a cozy irish pub in Lincoln Park. They’ve got karaoke every Thursday night, and a group of my friends can usually be found there a couple of times a month. We know the bartenders, the waitresses, and the guy who runs the karaoke machine was even a guest in my home this past Thanksgiving. But all of that is mostly beside the point. Ok, it’s entirely beside the point. So, after getting this text from my friend Lisa, I responded that I was most likely going to be there that night. Her response was this: “Sounds Gr8. Let’s touch base later”.